Friday Blogger

I marched ahead to speak my heart..She trudged ahead to defy, Her words were all mystifying..As she didn't even deny...[Dubious Path-Perplexed Beings.....still not aware where to go...but finally, got and end to  begin]

Ink On.....

Though every Friday is special and comes with a package full of excitement and new experiences (worthy sometimes and sometimes annoying).But after quite a long time I got acquainted with a Friday, which was the offshoot of the last Friday ["WHEN I GOT THE LEARNING OF PAST-PRESENT-FUTURE AND WHICH GUIDED ME TO NOT MISS A CHANCE OF MAKING MY FUTURE BETTER] and all other week days acted like a catalyst and contributed in the growth of this FRIDAY by making it an unforgettable ride, which started with joy and butterflies in stomach, matured with dilemma, disappointment and questions and then concluded with a learning that few essentials are premeditated by GOD [Such as, Quantity of LIFE or DEATH, Finding a SOUL MATE or TRUE LOVE, Loosing your VIRGINITY or a sudden CONSTIPATION before a meeting or a presentation or when you are far away from any possibility of locating a loo :p  etc..] and one thing always exist and that is the "Ray of Hope". 

So, there is a whole lot of planning is done, a full script is created with different characters playing their roles and finally when everything is in place you get a "Perfect Shot", or you can say, we manage to conclude above mentioned essentials of life.They are predefined, premeditated but the worst part is that they are unknown unless and until you get a chance to witness them.

Even, when we agree that every things is predefined and if not everything at least the one's I mentioned above, still they are full of caveats, we all are not that blessed to witness all of these, as some may die without meeting their true love or some may diminish just before conquering their sexual inhibitions.It's all in the fate/destiny, we don't agree and consider taking the charge (like I did) and it always end up reflecting something else (like I witnessed).

Backed by the last week's learning, I decided to finally put an end to my old life, where I was living with constraints and guilt of not respecting the true love bestowed to me by GOD, and considered myself as the culprit and decided to live a loner's life to recoup my mistake, that too was just to show other's that I am living with the guilt and to give myself a clean chit as a human being.In living such a life, I ignored people who tried getting close to me.Many came and many left, but the quest till date was still on for a person who can give me solace, who can make me realize that I am not wrong, who can act as a mirror, with whom I can get along, who is someone like me, and then I came across a being which made me realize, that life can be changed and it's not that complicated what it seems, a person with a perfect shelter for happiness, I realized that perhaps God has given me a second chance or might be it's his way to reinstate that nothing is in your hand, I will decide for you. 

As the week passed, the impact of the article (Past-Present-Future) augmented and it made me firm to take an action and without any further delay, on Thursday night I decided that tomorrow I will disclose whatever I feel for her (Her name is Aakriti).The excitement to propose some one for the first time was on it's peak, I never felt anything like that, even in my last relationship that was the Girl who initiated the action and in that excitement I went ahead and posted something like this on Facebook as my status update:

"Only once in your life, you find someone who can completely turn your world around.You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

The status update was due to the flow of that serene feeling of love, which was incorporated inside me few days back.I didn't even realize that it will pave way for a further twist in the story.After posting it, I went to sleep with the dream of a new beginning at one hand and with the fear of loosing that person (after my proposal) on the other.

Next day (FRIDAY), I got my bag packed to rush for the metro station. I wondered , why there is no fear for office today and why I am ready to face my manager with a smile.I asked myself, "Is everything alright?" and then I got the answer, "It's not alright rather things are perfectly fine", feeling for someone and the Friday feeling  resulted in an ultimate Cocktail and it hit so hard that I don't even remember when I reached office.

After reaching office, I realized that apart from office work I have two important things to do, first I have to seek the right opportunity to put my proposal in front of the girl I have started liking and then to leave for airport to receive my cousin from Bangalore who was visiting to Delhi to have a final meeting with the girl to whom he accented for marriage (which was almost final and the meeting with the Girl's family was arranged at the airport itself, as they were from Hyderabad and they too were suppose to land almost at the same time. PS-they were here to attend some family function and decided to use this trip for having a face to face with My cousin ).

I rushed to get my work done and after taking permission from my Demigod, I left for the Airport. I gathered courage and decided to finally put the plan in action, and with that thought I dialed Aakriti's number but her number was busy, I got superstitious and thought of giving up just after one attempt, but suddenly I saw her number flashing on my cell phone, I picked up the call and said  "Hey, Hi..How are you? but instead of replying to my Hello, she simply asked  "Who's the Girl?". That was so sudden, that I got lump in my throat and with that hesitant speech, I asked "Which Girl", she said , "don't try to act smart, I saw your status update, tell me who is she?". At her question I realized that this is the right time to convey whatever I feel, I simply said " That's no one else but you, I do feel for you, I have developed a liking and I think it's love". She got stunned and didn't utter a single word for a while and then after a long pause, she said "Whaaaaaaaaaat...just leave it?" and she hung up.

That reaction was actually awkward, I realized as If  I have just confessed that I am an impotent and can't reproduce and moreover I have liking towards boys..! 

Afterwards, I waited for her call or message but the wait was futile, with every passing second I was getting more and more depressed, I cursed myself  that; why the hell I proposed her ? I feared that perhaps now I have lost a friend also, I realized that I have ruined a good relationship just because of my impatience and for the first time I blamed myself  for all that went wrong. I questioned God, that first you gave me courage to confess and when I did, I have almost lost a good friend,by that time I was not sure if she will ever call me and with that sad feeling I reached airport.

After reaching airport, I realized that there were several missed calls from my  cousin's number and while approaching to Terminal 1,  I found my cousin waiting there. I said sorry for getting late and inquired when is the Girl's family coming, he said  "their flight has landed but no one is taking the call, even I am trying to communicate with them since yesterday but there is no response".

While we were actually trying to connect it with yesterday's blast in Hyderabad, my cousin got a call from Girl's father. He said  " Hello" and afterwards that were only the expressions on his face which changed.

The call got dropped and he informed that the girl suffered serious injuries in yesterday's blast and is very critical and under observation, because of that they were not able to communicate anything in advance.I consoled my cousin and we left for home. While on the way, I realized nothing is in our hand, it's all up to him, we plan to see different outcome but what we get in end is something completely different, everything has a reason, I connected that with my act of confession and it somewhere relieved me that it's of no use cursing my decision, what has happened was pre-decided.

While we were sitting in the room and discussing about the sudden shift of fate, we got call from the girl's father and what he informed was something which was very relieving , he said "Doctor has informed that she is out of danger  but would need some time to recover".

We all were actually relieved to hear that, once that sense of relief was there, Aakriti's thought hovered around me again, I felt a deep urge to talk to her, I wanted to share everything with her and with that I decided to call her but even after so many attempts, she didn't pick up.I realized that this story has got an end without a beginning.Sadness was all around me, I was feeling frustrated and then suddenly, my phone vibrated and there was a new message from someone. I opened the message and it said :

"I am sorry for my reaction, but it was so sudden that I couldn't manage to utter a word, I was perplexed at that time.Please give me sometime and I will let you know.You are a good friend a good being, I value you but this is something, I can't say anything..hope you will understand."

A drop of tear tickled down my face and her words infused a sense of hope within me, I realized it's not an end, there is still a hope..it's not a no..and best thing is that..the person is still around and what actually matters, is the presence of that being in any form, either as a soul mate or as a friend.

So finally a Friday which reinstated the fact that we are humans with limited capabilities and it  came with a learning that " Sometimes the God calms the storm, Sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms us...so it's better to flow with the wind..wherever it takes.."       

Ink OFF..till I get here again..on a new Friday...."Friday Blogger"

© 2013 Prashant Srivastav